antibeautyfiend

Leesville walmart / gastations.

2008-08-31T09:35:55Z

So this is really shity sense all i did was walk up and down iles on my 15 minute brake. Edit up this video to make it not last so long and throw in music to entertain you better.

Plus the road shots of the two gas stations are just from me filming them as i passed by on my way to help out walmart for extra hours.

Its actualy quite sad and not many people are seen shoping anymore sense most is lacking or flat out gone, and it was right before rush hour that i filmed this. 20 minutes after, we were swamped again. clear past 12:30 in the morning we still had lines. its pathetic.

There were even people stealing from other peoples carts going on, i didnt get that on camera though.
But i just got back from there, and i have to go back in 6 hours from 10 to 7:30. Goodnight guys.

But heres the crapy video i promised.

antibeautyfiend @ 2008-05-25T00:40:00

2008-05-25T05:49:12Z

I had a long, emotional night with my little brother and sister. Spending personal bonding time and talking about the issues in the family, learning about each other, everything in general.

I just felt like ranting.

So I've been spending a lot more time getting to know my little brother and sister. Personal older sister to little brother/sister bonding, now that we've gotten more close then we were when we actually met. And I can say I truly understand what it is like for them growing up the way they are..

I can't help but feel sympathetic towards the whole situation. It's the same I went threw.. Only without the violence, drug/alcohol abuse, and etc. Which I'm highly grateful too.

This whole argument between their parents, turning their children against either parent, all these court dates, therapies, the mindfuckery and the lies.. it breaks my heart..it really does.

I was just outside a while ago, talking to Candace and Chris about all these things they were curious of, Chrises wanting to move in issues, What their older step brother on my side is like. What living with their mothers like, school problems. Answering their questions about my life growing up. Bonding in general, etc.

But once we came inside, I got deeper into this conversation. Concerning their parents, How I understand as they told me what their life is like, How much this is hurting them, Listening to what their mother has told them about their father. and in turn, turning this crock of bullshit into what is the real truth..

My voice started cracking and I swear i wanted to cry for how passionate i got into this conversation and how i felt for them going threw this.. because i know what its like for them. I hate seeing them go threw the same thing. I know how deep the scars get and how emotional and for how young they are.. its hard too know who to believe and why their stuck in the middle of their parents conflict..

I feel so bad for their father.. They use to never tell them they loved him, give him a hard time, wouldn't even hug him. Just because of the bullshit their mother fed into their little heads. And I know I'm the only person they can really trust to come too, I have no reason to lie to them about any of this.

I want to be here for them. They have told me themselves how much having me to talk to means to them. and being looked up to, I take a lot of responsibility in that. But I'm so heartbroken in watching his play out like is has / continues too.

I'm looking forward to my little brother moving in with us like he has chosen too, to get away from his mother. Within the next.. month - near end of summer.

and to hear my little sister actually tell me " I love you", I really feel.. ...I don't even think i can explain that either..

The first day Candace ever came to my bedroom door before she went to bed and she whispered if she could tell me a secret. I was more then puzzled. I wasn't use to her coming to me about much yet. So I concernly asked what is it? and she whispered she loved me from the door and quickly disappeared. I was at a loss of words but nothing compairs..

Even hearing it more often, its still the same reaction. I guess I'm just deeply touched by how closely the 3 of us have actually bonded to each other. Candace told me she really doesn't want me to move to Maryland. Well.. she said -Main-.. but like hell I'm moving to main. But i knew what she meant.

When I asked her why, she told me she would miss me. I could only frown at that.. but i understood. I think I'm growing really attached to the two of them.. and the same vice versa but they need to learn i wont be around forever either. But I'm always contactable when they do and i would be their for them at the drop of a hat if i needed too.

They know that if i were near penniless I would spend my last dollar on them if they so much as needed it. I swear i would bend over backwards for them..

I still don't know Cortney.. my littlest step sister. Ive seen her threw a glass across the room and photographs and a passing car. But never have i met or truly seen her up close.

What really brakes my hear is how hard Fred is working for his children and how confused they are in trusting him because of their mothers lies.

I was surprised to even listen to what MYSELF was saying how how close i actually was to crying what i had to say because of how passionate i was for them and their father.. I don't want to see the same thing happen to them i went threw..

Unlike myself, I want them to have someone that can help lead them in the right direction. I never had that.. and back then, being so young i cried wishing i really did..

Candace telling me how she wished sometimes that someone would just kidnap her for a few days just to get away, that hurt me.. Because i know how that was too. I never wanted to be kidnapped and brought back.. I litterly ran away and never wanted to be found. But being so little i had no where to go and went back home and no one ever noticed I had gone. Though i never expected them too.

Tonight was just a deep thing for me, and wanted to vent things out myself. This is just own personal use, why people read THIS is beyond me xD

but anyways.. Tomorrow will be nice too, we have an early morning for breakfast and I'm taking them all swimming at noon..ish so whatever.. I'm done xDDD

<---H-u-g-s---B-a-n-n-e-d--->

2007-11-30T07:57:28Z

I saw this in a Journal, and it made my day brighter at least. So I thought I would share the happiness <3

Heartwarming isn't it?

x-Ruki

.: Update :. =O Seriously!? Seriously XD

2007-11-08T08:38:59Z

So, Its official. I have come to the conclusion that the government hates me, and that every manager in this towns an ass! XDD

For 1.) I swear I have applied at EIGHT new job's, trying to find part time work on the weekends. I honestly don't care "WHERE" as long as it pays.

But no, everyone SUCKZ!! I even flunked an application. How the hell do you flunk an application?? Walmarts on some serious crack, yo. Seriously xDDD

Sense I'm still new to this town.. In fact, State for that matter. I've only lived here for 3 month's now, and FINALLY, iv learned where the hell it is I'm going on the road~! xDDD YAY!

I went and got my Military ID made to get passage threw the Army security gate onto the Military base. Which is like.. another small town.. INSIDE a BIGGER town. And now iv got this whole getting lost thing work'n for me again..

Tell'n you man.. they hate me! I swear their doing it on purpose!

I bet they just sit at their gay expensive waxed desks laughing and say. " Ahahaha~ Let just make Ruki's life MISERABLE today =D Or better yet~! we have power! Lets just fuck up all the road signs and put all these weird winding roads and buildings that lead to nothing but housing editions and dead ends!! -dramatic gleeful flailing- " DDD< ..Fuckers!!

2.) As for Vo.tech. The good news, I should be graduated by December and have my GED. I also made a new friend =D   well.. more like she made me HER friend.. She wouldn't shut up xDDD So i just went along and talked back pretending to be enthused. x3

     The bad news, The GED test is supposed to take EIGHT hours!! D=!!?! How do you expect ME to sit quietly and test for 8 hours?? My minds going to espode withen the first 1! -morn-

     As for the second part of this said bad new, The chick that made me her friend reminds me of my ex girlfriend who fucked me over. That freaked me out. She even ACTS and SOUNDS like her! and AUGH!! its like sitting next to my ex girlfriend who just came out of a concussion or something! -slams head into desk-

Well so anyways, Despite my horrid neglection of this thingy, Iv gotta get to bed XD I've got vo.tech at noon and another test to Finnish. -forced sarcastic smile of glee-

Oyasumi~

x-Ruki